| | As we grow, does it usually mean enabling and cranking up one's auto-protection mechanisms more and more?
We actually get afraid more and more easily when we're older. We get more afraid of death, of uncertainty. We are only perceived to be more capable because of "experience". We learn about different situations and different things in the world, and we learn better how to handle everything from our experience -- but the more we do, the more we're afraid of the now-fewer uncertain things.
I noticed that these days I have a harder time to get back to sleep when I'm woken up (whether it's midnight by a phone call or some external noise in the morning). It seems that I'm afraid of falling asleep due to the fear of being woken up again (harshly) -- my auto-protection mechanism kicking in. That probably has some to do with stress too..
We also have an auto-protection mechanism emotionally. A person can only be hurt so many times before he covers himself with thicker and thicker layers of protection. I can't say all my experience from relationships have been bad and in fact some were extremely nice; but seeing where I am today (as a single person), I think it's fair to say the overall net result had been negative. And I'm also sure I'm also just another common man going through life, so I should speak for most. As we grow older, it's harder and harder to have true feelings for someone else. When we're 15, it might take us 2 days from meeting someone to grow feelings for them. When we're 25 (at least for myself), it might take years to open up. While your true heart is still weak inside, it's covered by layers and layers of protection, one thicker than the other, not letting anyone get to it with any ease.
Um... I don't know where I'm really going with all that. (I always have this trouble with blogging) I'm going to stop here and let you all think about it...
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| | Posted 6/22/2009 10:31 PM - 10 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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